


Hashirama and Madara

by byakkoya_no_musume



Category: Naruto, Romeo and Juliet
Genre: ...and jokes..., Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Gay, Honestly this is just a gay parody of Romeo and Juliet, It's meant for laughs, M/M, Parody, Romeo and Juliet AU, Yaoi, even if you ship these ships, might be very cringey, some swearing will happen, there will be some paradoxes, using Naruto characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byakkoya_no_musume/pseuds/byakkoya_no_musume
Summary: Come join us in fair Konoha and experience the tragic love story of Hashirama and Madara.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto and all of its characters belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.  
> Romeo and Juliet belongs to William Shakespeare  
> Also, the Narrator is a character on their own, just so no one gets confused.

 

 

**_Two households, both alike in dignity_ **

**_(In fair Konoha, where we lay our scene),_ **

**_From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,_ **

**_Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean._ **

**_From forth the fatal loins of these two foes_ **

**_A pair of star-crossed lovers-wait, wait, wait, wait, wait..._ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_Do I really have to do this?_ **

**_Yes, I know that I'm the Narrator, but..._ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_I ALWAYS FUCKING DO THIS WHENEVER ROMEO AND JULIET STARTS!!!_ **

**_AND YES, I JUST FUCKING CURSED!!!_ **

**_AND ALSO, THIS IS NOT EVEN LEGIT ROMEO AND JULIET!!_ **

**_IT'S A GAY PARODY!!!_ **

**_GAY!_ **

**_YAOI!_ **

**_SHOUNEN-AI!_ **

**_HOMOSEXUAL!_ **

**_GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY! GAY!_ **

**_AND IT'S USING THE CHARACTERS OF A DAMN ANIME THAT HAS A CRAPPY-AS-HELL ENDING!!_ **

**_SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO SAY AS THE NARRATOR!!_ **

**_OKAY?!?!_ **

**_OKAY!!_ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_..._ **

**_Whew!_ **

**_Now that I have that out of my system, let's start with this story!_ **

**_Shall we?_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...I think the prologue already tells you enough about how this parody will be...and I think some of you will be leaving after reading this...Anywho, I got the idea after reading Romeo and Juliet in class last year while my teacher was interpreting it to modern language, showing us how funny it is in reality. Also, I've been thinking about writing something HashiMada related sooner or later. So yeah... Also, tons of thanks to my Senpais, Kouhais, and friends for giving me ideas for this parody and showing support for me writing it.


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Oh...you're still here?...I thought that you would have left by now after reading that prologue. Well, my friend, you have one strong soul. Feel free to stay here as long as you want...even though I wouldn't suggest it...why am I even writing this? Oh! Right! Anywho, Naruto and all of its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Romeo and Juliet belongs to William Shakespeare.

_**All right, all right, all right, I'm here!** _

_**Now the story starts with two random Uchiha servants walking down the streets, one of the servants being a member of the clan...** _

_**I don't fucking know why, so don't ask me.** _

**Suigetsu:** _*pumped*_  That's it! Sasuke! We're not taking anymore of the Senjus' bullshit, right Sasuke?

**Sasuke:** _*bored*_ No because then we would be gongfermous.

**Suigetsu** : _*pumped*_ No, no, no! That's not what I meant! I meant that if they start messing with us, we'll get angry and take out our swords!

**Sasuke** : _*bored, but with a raised eyebrow*_ First of all, I hope that by 'sword' you mean our weapon, and second of all, just stay out of trouble, will you?

**Suigetsu:** _*pumped, and cocky*_ Why, I'll never get in trouble! After all, whenever I get angry, I can easily kick the shit out of people!

**Sasuke:** _*Still bored, eyebrow is now back to normal*_ I'm quite sure that people have kicked the shit out of you, not the other way around.

**Suigetsu:** _*pumped, and somehow more cocky*_ Just watch, Sasuke! When we see one of those bitches from Senju, you'll see how angry I can get! I'll get so fucking angry that I'll become a lawn mower, mowing the streets of all Senju bitches that come our way!

**Sasuke:** _*His confusion is visible*_ First of all, what kind of metaphor is that?! Are you not aware that lawnmowers don't exist in this era, much less the Naruto universe! And second of all, are you sure that you're not confusing 'fucking angry' with 'scared shitless'?!

**Suigetsu** : _*Somehow still pumped, and somehow more cocky*_ Well, first of all, this is a paradox Romeo and Juliet AU, so anything is possible. And second of all, my dear Sasuke, you haven't seen me angry, have you? Watch, I'll get so angry that I'll throw those Senju bitches out into the street and watch all the shit fall onto their heads while I relax, leaning on the wall!

**Sasuke:** _*Is officially done with Suigetsu*_ You know only the weak ones are recommended to stay next to the wall, right? And please don't ever call me 'my dear Sasuke' ever again.

**Suigetsu:** _*More pumped and more cocky...How? I don't know*_ Whoa, you're right Sasuke! ( **Sasuke:** Finally!) That's why I'll thrown the men out to the streets, and pin the women, especially the maids, to the wall!

**Sasuke:** _*Disgusted*_ I meant people who are ill, you stupid sexist! Also, this is supposed to be a fight between shinobis, not ordinary maids and servants!

**Suigetsu:** _*More pumped and more...is this guy a masochist?*_ I know that! That's why I'll fight the men and chop off the ladies' heads!

**Sasuke:** _*More disgusted*_ Please don't tell me you mean their maidenheads.

**Suigetsu:** _*...This guy is definitely a masochist*_ Heads, maidenheads, who cares! As long as I leave a mark on them, I really don't care!

**Sasuke:** _*Is definitely officially done with Suigetsu*_ Yes, you mean their maidenheads. I should've known!

**Suigetsu:** _*How the hell is this guy such a masochist?!*_ And I'll definitely leave my mark! After all, I'm nice fish!

**Sasuke:** _*Back to bored*_ You might be nice fish, but you're certainly not a big fish.

**_At that moment Sasuke's boyfri-er, lov- I mean, ENEMY...appears with another random Senju servant._ **

**Konohamaru:** Hey! I'm not any random Senju servant!

**Naruto:** _*Bonks Konohamaru in the head*_ Shut up, Konohamaru! We're on a mission for the clan, so we have to remain focused!

**Konohamaru:** _*Perks up while rubbing where Naruto bonked him*_ Right!

**Sasuke:** _*Perks up in the tsundere way and unsheathes his sword*_ Suigetsu, pull out your sword! Men of the Senju clan are approaching!

**Suigetsu:** _*Not pumped anymore and his self-esteem goes waaaaay down*_ O-oh, right! _*Unsheathes his sword and stands behind Sasuke, trembling.*_ My sword is out! I got your back!

**Sasuke:** _*Teeth clenched and and eyebrow twitching, looking over his shoulder at Suigetsu*_ I though you said that you were going to 'become a lawn mower, mowing the streets of all Senju bitches that come our way'!

**Suigetsu:** _*Shrugs*_ So what, I was wrong! Next time, don't believe me!

**Sasuke:** _*Angry*_ I didn't even believe you in the first place! And for crying out loud you weren't even that cowardly in the Naruto universe! Cocky, yes, but not cowardly! And, you know what?! _*Pushes Suigetsu in front of him*_ I won't ask Karin out for you!

**Suigetsu:** _*whimpers*_ Fine, but at least let's not get in trouble and start the fight. 

**Sasuke:** Fine! I'll glare at them and wait for them to react.

**Suigetsu:** No, even better! I'll chew on the fingernail of my middle finger! _*Begins chewing on the fingernail of his middle finger*_

**Sasuke:** Well, whatever floats your boat...even if it gets you in trouble. 

**Naruto:** _*Notices and gets angry*_ Hey, are you pointing your middle finger at us?!

**Suigetsu:** Well, I'm chewing on it's nail.

**Naruto:** Yeah, but are you DIRECTING AT US?

**Sasuke:** _*In his mind*_ That's my smart usuratonkachi.

**Suigetsu:** _*Whispers to Sasuke*_ If I say yes, will we get in trouble?

**Sasuke:** _*Snorts*_ Obviously, you idiot.

**Suigetsu:** _*Nods, then turns back to Naruto and Konohamaru*_ Why no, I'm not! And why are you directing these shouts only at me? My friend is the one glaring at you guys! _*Gets bonked on the head by Sasuke*_ Oww!

**Sasuke:** _*At Naruto*_ Are you trying to start a fight, 'sir'?

**Naruto:** Why certainly not! 'Sir'!

**Suigetsu:** _*Rubbing the area where Sasuke bonked him*_  If you want to fight, I’m your shinobi, 'sir'! My employer is as good as yours, 'sir'! _*Get's bonked on the head by Sasuke again*_ Oww!

**Naruto:** At least you admitted that he's not better than mine!

**Suigetsu:** _*Still rubbing the areas Sasuke bonked him* *Croaks*_ Well,...then.

**Sasuke:** _*Spots Izuna from afar and smirks*_ Well, say 'better', 'sir'. Here comes one of our employer's relatives, 'sir'.

**Suigetsu:** _*Still rubbing the areas Sasuke bonked him, I kinda feeling bad for him*_ Yeah! 'Better', um, 'dude'!

**Naruto:** Yeah, right!

**Konohamaru:** _*Confused*_ Um, older brother Naruto? Why are we fighting with these guys? Aren't we on a- *Gets bonked on the head by Naruto* Owie!

**Suigetsu:** _*Stands up properly with his in his hand*_ Well, take out your swords if you're true shinobi!

**Tobirama:** _*Notices the hubbabaloo from afar and unsheathes out his own sword*_  Break it up, you fools! Put your swords away! You don’t know what you’re doing!

**Izuna:** _*Notices the hubbabaloo and glares at Tobirama while he unsheathes his sword*_  What? You’ve pulled out your sword to fight with these worthless servants? Turn around, Tobirama, and look at the shinobi who’s going to kill you!

**Tobirama:** You fool! I’m only trying to keep the peace! Either put away your sword or use it to help me stop this fight, or else, I'll shove it up your ass!

**Izuna:** _*Stops for a moment and slyly giggles*_  Oh! Are you trying to seduce me?

**Tobirama:** _*Shocked and immediately starts blushing*_ No, you damn pervert!

**Izuna:** _*Shrugs*_ Oh well! _*Poses into a fighting stance with his sword*_ Also, my clan is very against peace with you Senjus! I'll just strike! _*Charges towards Tobirama, who stops his blow with his sword, thus beginning a fight*_

**Nosy Citizens:** _*Begin gathering around the fight while chanting*_ BEAT IT! BEAT IT! BEAT IT! DOWN WITH THE SENJUS! DOWN WITH THE UZUMAKI!

**Tajima:** _*Notices the hubbabaloo nearby and gets giddy*_ MY SWORD! MY SWORD! BRING ME MY SWORD!!!

**Tajima's Wife:** Your sword?! Tsk! What you need is a crutch, not a sword!

**Tajima:** SHUT UP, WOMAN! I NEED MY SWORD! DON'T YOU SEE BUTSUMA RUNNING LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC IN THE CROWD!

**Butsuma:** _*Running around like a madman, waving his sword like crazy*_ UCHIHAS! UCHIHAS! UCHIHAS! THERE ARE UCHIHAS IN THIS AREA!! *Notices Tajima* TAJIMA! TAJIMA'S HERE!!

**Butsuma's Wife:** _*Holds him back*_ Don't even think about approaching him!

**Prince Minato:** _*Notices the hubbabaloo and sighs* *Shouts*_ EVERYONE STOP!!!!

**Everyone else:** _*Stops what they're doing and turns to look at Prince Minato*_

**Prince Minato:** _*Pants before beginning his speech*_  Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, profaners of this neighbor-stainèd steel!—Will they not hear?—What, ho! You men, you beasts, that quench the fire of your pernicious rage with purple fountains issuing from your veins,on pain of torture, from those bloody hands, throw your mistempered weapons to the ground, an-

**Butsuma:** _*Interrupts the Prince*_ Yadda, yadda, yadda! Just get to the point, will ya?

**Tajima:** For once, I agree with the Senju!

**Prince Minato:** _*Grumbles something about 'ungrateful citizens' under his breath then talks out loud*_ Fine! Fine! If this fight continues, you'll all be put to death. 

**Nosy Citizens:** _*Grumble as they break apart the crowd.*_

**Uchihas and Senjus:** _*Sheathe their swords*_

**Butsuma:** _*To Tobirama*_ Tell me, my son, who began this fight?

**Tobirama:** Well, you see, our idiot servants over there-*Glares at Naruto and Konohamaru*- were beginning a fight with the Uchihas' idiot servants, so, of course, my first instinct was to come and breakup the fight with my sword. That was when this perverted idiot Izuna came in and not only begun to taunt me, but charged at me as well, so, of course, I decided to defend myself, thus starting the fight. And well, the nosy citizens started gathering around, chanting 'beat it', and you already know what happened from there.

**Butsuma:** _*Blinks*_ Well, okay. I only asked for who began this fight, but thank you anyways.

**Butsuma's wife:** By the way, have you seen your brother, Hashirama?

**Tobirama:**  Madam, an hour before the worshipped sun peered forth the golden window of the east, a troubled mind drove me to walk abroad, where, underneath the grove of sycamore that westward rooteth from this city side, so early walking did I see your son. Towards him I made, but he was 'ware of me-

**Butsuma's wife:** _*Snaps*_ Get to the point!

**Tobirama:** Right. This morning I saw him crying in the forest.

**Butsuma:** _*Snorts*_ No wonder in the morning I see his eyes red and puffy and his room always locked! I always thought it was from a lack of sleep! _*chuckles at himself*_ Anyways, I need to find out what has him like this. This mood of his can bring some bad news.

**Tobirama:** Father, do you know why he is in such a mood?

**Butsuma:** Didn't I just say I didn't know?

**Tobirama:** Well, have you at least tried to talk to him about it?

**Butsuma:** Excuse me, but you're the brother! The brother is supposed to know what's going on!

**Tobirama:** Father...are serious?

**Butsuma:** Yes, I'm serious! Speaking of which, here comes your brother right now! _*Points towards a Hashirama who's barely dragging himself down the road.*_ Well your mother and I have to get going. Bye! _*Grabs his Wife's hand and quickly walks away.*_

**Tobirama:** _*Sighs and walks up to Hashirama.*_ Morning, brother.

**Hashirama:** _*Stops when he notices Tobirama*_ ...Morning...

**Tobirama:**...Brother-

**Hashirama:** _*Interrupts Tobirama and throws himself at him.*_  Ay me! Sad hours seem long! Was that father that went hence so fast?

**Tobirama:**...Yes, that was. Also, I wanted to ask you a question. _*Strokes Hashirama's hair*_ What's making you so sad, brother?

**Hashirama:** Not having that which, having, makes them short!

**Tobirama:**... Being in love?

**Hashirama:** Out.

**Tobirama:** Being out of love?

**Hashirama:**  Out of her favor, where I am in love!

**Tobirama:** And that's why you don't fall in love.

**Hashirama:**  Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, should, without eyes, see pathways to his will! Where shall we dine?—O me! What fray was here? Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here’s much to do with hate but more with love. Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate, O anything of nothing first created! O heavy lightness, serious vanity, misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms! Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health, still-waking sleep, that is not what it is! This love feel I, that feel no love in this. Dost thou not laugh?

**Tobirama:** _*Tears streaming down his face*_ No, I'm crying.

**Hashirama:**  Good heart, at what?

**Tobirama:** _*Wipes away his tears*_ At how much of an idiot you're being.

**Hashirama:**  Why, such is love’s transgression. Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast, which thou wilt propagate, to have it pressed with more of thine. This love that thou hast shown doth add more grief to too much of mine own. Love-

**Tobirama:** Will you stop it with all the poetry?!

**Hashirama:** Sorry. _*Pulls himself from Tobirama and begins walking past him*_ I'll be going.

**Tobirama:** *Quickly follows behind him* Hey, I can't leave you by yourself! At this state, I don't know what'll you do without me, Hashirama!

**Hashirama:**  Tut, I have lost myself. I am not here! This is not Hashirama! He’s some other where!

**Tobirama:** I said to stop it with the poetry!

**Hashirama:** Sorry!

**Tobirama:** By the way, who is this woman you're in love with?

**Hashirama:** Is it okay if I cry and sob while saying her name?

**Tobirama:** No.

**Hashirama:** But I love her!

**Tobirama:** I don't care!

**Hashirama:** Fine! * _Takes a deep breath in and out*_ It's Mito! _*Whimpers*_ But she already told me that she's aromantic asexual.

**Tobirama:** So?

**Hashirama:** That means she won't love me!

**Tobirama:** Okay! Okay! Why don't you just forget about her?

**Hashirama:** I can't!

**Tobirama:** Just oggle at other beautiful women. 

**Hashirama:** But that'll just remind me of how beautiful she is!

**Tobirama:** Now you're just being a baby.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking around! If you are planning to stay here, don't worry, I'm still planning to update...even though I really don't know why you're sticking around...oh well. But, once again, thank you so much! Also, I wonder if anyone noticed, but the Narrator's based on Tumblr. I just realized that while rereading the train wreck I've done so far.


End file.
